From the archive, originally posted by: [ spectre ]
Laws of the Crown
A) Adjust size and be the first to place on head.
B) Whoever places the Crown on his or her head first, then in a loud
voice proclaims, “I am the King,” is from that moment forward in charge. Rule ends if Crown is removed (see Coup d’etat). Crownings can happen anywhere, at any time.
1. There can only be one King.
2. The King always gets his/her way.
3. The King must speak with some kind of cool accent.
4. The King makes all the important decisions governing selection of TV channels, movies, radio stations, as well as popular activites like snowboarding, pool hopping, and cow tipping. The King also determines who gets the remote, who rides “shotgun,” and, of course, who pays.
5. Rule ends when Crown is removed for more than 3 seconds (see Three Second Law).
6. Disagreement with the King results in a “penalty.” This is decided by the King. Common penalties include: forfeiture of fries, surrender of video game controller, and banishment from office cubicle.
Three Second Law
The King’s rule ends when the Crown is removed from their head for any reason, accidental or otherwise. The first person to exclaim, “One . . . Two . . . Three . . . King” may claim the Crown.
In the Event of a Tie
If two people Crown themselves King simultaneously, the person whose birth date is closest to December 4, 1954 (date the first BURGER KING restaurant opened) is King.
If everyone agrees you completely stink as King, your rule may be renounced. This constitutes a Coup d’etat. A new King may be Crowned if the group can reach a unanimous decision. If not, the Three Second Law applies.
If you are eating in a BURGER KING restaurant, your rule extends all the way to the edge of the parking lot. Off restaurant grounds, your rule extends to a radius of 10 feet around you in any direction.
WARNING: This BURGER KING Crown is made of paper. Your rule may end prematurely if Crown is exposed to water or flame.
(These laws are printed on the inside of the Burger King crown, and they are copyrighted accordingly.)